as above, so below.

He said big boat.

2011-10-13T11:45:00.001-05:00

A little over a year ago, God started talking to me about boats. Big boats. The kind that need lots of sails and large crews and deep water to navigate on epic journeys. And to be honest, I got a little freaked out.

Now don’t get me wrong--I’m all about adventure and the “Dream Venti” movement. It’s just that, I’m a kayak kind of girl. I like having very personal control over where I’m going. I find a comfort in staying near the shoreline. I appreciate the ability to slip in and out situations unnoticed. I think there’s something kind of wonderful about being able to paddle out on a whim in the middle of the day and return back home when night starts to arrive--no real preparation required. Yet there’s something in my spirit that just knows--it’s time to prepare for the big boat.

Sometimes, I find myself asking the Lord if He knows about big boats. Does He understand that big boats take time to build? And lots of supplies? And extensive planning? Does He recall how complicated navigation is out in deep water? Did it ever occur to Him, per chance, that you don’t really embark on an epic journey for a free afternoon? Or that you don’t gather and train a sailing crew for a little jaunt over to the next island--that you won’t exactly be home by dinner? (And what about shipwrecks? Or pirates?) Are you tracking with me, Papa?

And still, every time I run through my interrogative monologue--He is so patient with me. He tells me that Noah learned, and that Jesus corrected the disciples for their small faith in the storm. He brings up Paul’s experience with shipwreck, and reminds me that His glory was exalted anyways.

Truthfully, my mind isn’t always calmed after these conversations with the Creator. There are days when I question my own intentions in praying for Ephesians 3v20-sized things in my life. Often, I try to ignore the call to sea altogether and busy myself with other tasks and small fantasies.

But by the Grace of the Love Himself, these words remain: Big boat, Beloved. Big boat.

musings on daughtership (part i): open up your hands.

2011-09-22T21:23:00.003-05:00

when a baby is born, one of the first things she does is grab. we all know it, and we all love it--that feeling when a newborn wraps her hands around your finger and squeezes. her tiny handprint (and tinier fingerprints) leave their first impressions. waking or sleeping, she’s wired to take hold of something bigger, and to hold tight when she finds it. the encounter is so basic, just a simple squeeze. but it’s a simple squeeze that stirs my heart--and i would reckon it stirs yours, too.

as she grows, this sweet girl keeps reaching out. her hands grow stronger. she’s exploring, searching, developing. and everything needs to be touched. the shiny necklace, the food in front of her, her brother’s hair, her sister’s doll... before long, she’s learned to grab. to snatch. to hold on tighter to the objects before her... and to climb.

years pass, and her hands become full. she learns to carry load upon load. she holds on to future expectations and present provisions. she grasps relationships and past experiences. her grasp is stronger, but sometimes fails her. and still, she doesn’t let go. excess loads are piled on her back or set upon her head. she walks slowly, like a performer, a human balancing act. her gaze is set forward, yet her focus is sometimes lost...

and in those moments, the Father simply calls out:

return to Me. set it all down. stop. reach for My finger. and hold on.

dear daughter, your hands were made to go into Mine.
I created them that you may explore, feel, create.
I created them that you may play, write, praise.
I created them for worship, as I created you for worship...

but you cannot clap with hands that are full,
nor can you take My hand in a dance,
nor can you take the bite of Bread I offer,
nor take a sip of the Wine I give...

but the moment you set all else down,
the moment you relinquish ownership,
the moment you open your hands before Me

I will place in your hand My own,
I will dote you with Gifts beyond your imagination,
I will pull you into a deeper embrace,
I will dip you in a dance,
I will feed you,
I will quench your thirst with the Fountain of Life,
I will guide you,
I will heal you,
I will hold you near to My chest so that you can
feel the rise and the fall of My breath,
so that you can
hear My very heartbeat.

simply let go of all else, and receive from My abundance.
as the sweet child you are-- reach out, hold tight.
receive and take hold of your First Love.

until God's realm comes

2011-04-16T16:31:00.002-05:00

we gather to sing of Your kindness that's showered upon us
to whisper your promises, shout out the truths of Your love
we lift up Your name as we care for Your children around us
encouraged in unity, gathering strength from Your words
thank You for kinship, thank You for love

excited by Life, we will sing with the gifts that You give us
impassioned by mystery, mystical Lord upon high!
heartbroken seeing what sin has detroyed all around us
hopeful in knowing what will fulfilled in Your Word
until Your kingdom comes...

maybe in this there has been but a glimpse of the kingdom
and maybe our hearts will be stirred for the mission before us
maybe in this there has been but a glimpse of You, Jesus
and mercy will flow through these streets as we exercise worship
until Your kingdom comes...

until all are fed
until all know home
until all are free, until justice done
until peace the way
until grace the law
until love the rule, until God's realm comes
until God's realm comes

--preson phillips, from the observant and the anawim, free download here

shine forth.

2011-04-07T22:18:00.002-05:00

“give ear of Shepherd of Israel, you who lead joseph like a flock! you who are enthroned upon cherubim, shine forth.” - psalm 80v1

i’ve seen You love the broken into healing
and set the wounded captive free
i’ve watched a crippled hand gain feeling
but i still sit here on my knees
just looking for some kind of sign
would You shine? would You shine?

shine forth over me,
i feel like moses kept inside the cleft
waiting for Your beauty to erupt over the mountains
come chasing down the cliffs for me
would You shine? would You shine?

because, Lord God, i’m climbing out of darkness
coming toward you
and i can see your glory peering out, making headway toward my heart
but still i cry
would You shine forth? and show Your holy arm
shine forth over me.
i can see Your justice spilling out in waves of majesty
would You shine, would You shine over me?

and i’ll sing Hallelujah
cry out Hallelujah
i’ll join the songs of angels, elders
the anthem of all the redeemed
because You shine, You shine over me

and You sent your most Beloved to hang upon cross
You sent Your most Beloved to lift the veil for me

and, Lord, i’m scared, afraid, excited
i’m swept by Your majesty
and i can see Your glory peering out, making headway toward my heart
but still i cry
would You shine forth? and show Your holy arm
shine forth over me
i can see Your justice spilling out in waves of majesty
would You shine, would You shine over me?

i see the sky around me brighten, (You’re coming, You’re coming)
and from the clouds You’re breaking forth (and the clouds don’t stand a chance)

You’re running, You’re running
and You’re calling out my name, singing love and victory
You’ve rescued me

a requiem for love

2011-03-16T20:55:00.003-05:00

“My gift to you is love,
but Worship is your gift to Me.
And Oh, most glorious it is!
Worship always calls Me ‘Father’ and
Makes us both rich with a common joy.
Worship Me, for only this great gift
Can set you free from the killing love of self,
And prick your fear with valiant courage
To fly in hope through moments of despair.
Worship will remind you
That no man knows completeness in himself,
Worship will teach you to speak your name,
When you’ve forgotten who you are.
Worship is duty and privilege,
Debt and grand inheritance at once.
Worship, therefore, at those midnights
When the stars hide.
Worship in the storms till love
Makes thunder whimper and grow quiet
And listen to your whispered hymns
Worship and be free.”

--calvin miller

longing for spring.

2011-01-28T13:26:00.002-06:00

newness.

2011-01-10T21:06:00.002-06:00

and so, i'm finding myself at the start of another new semester, new year. to try and recapture the journeys of the past months in a simple post seems a tad overwhelming--and i think it may be coming, soon...but until then, i'd like to pass along this song. we sang it at church yesterday, and it's as if the lyrics have hovered over me all day. may it bless you, too.

a debtor to mercy alone
of covenant mercy i sing
i come with Your righteousness on
my humble offering to bring
the judgments of Your holy law
with me can have nothing to do
my Savior’s obedience and blood
hide all my transgressions
from view

the work which Your goodness began
the arm of Your strength will complete
Your promise is yes and amen
and never was forfeited yet
the future or things that are now
no power below or above
can make You Your purpose forego
or sever my soul from Your love

my name from the palms of Your hands
eternity will not erase
impressed on Your heart it remains
in marks of indelible grace
yes i, to the end will endure
until i bow down at Your throne
forever and always secure
forever and always secure
forever and always secure
a debtor to mercy alone

source

on learning and walks through the garden.

2010-09-09T23:50:00.005-05:00

[from a time of dialogue this morning]

this week, i'm learning. i'm learning about time boundaries, about cutting losses and moving forward. i'm learning about priorities, guarding my rest and placing a high value on my integrity. i'm learning about my imperfections and about the grace that the Father has in the midst of them... and i'm learning that to really accept His grace takes humility in areas that i'm not so used to walking in it.

this is a growing season, a tend-the-garden season, a season where my gaze must be fixed ahead--
not on the future, per se, but on the Gracious Gardener before me.

He is my sustenance and my guide. His voice brings correction, but correction that is laced with hope, drenched in love.

as we journey together, i learn more and more of His nature (and my nature in Him).

with every word He speaks comes sweet promise, like a breeze. romantic refreshment. a whisper of harvest to come.

a few words from j.m. barrie

2010-07-17T19:29:00.003-05:00

"i taught you to fight and to fly. what more could there be?"

"so come with me, where dreams are born, and time is never planned. just think of happy things, and your heart will fly on wings, forever, in never never land!"

"you must have been warned against letting the golden hours slip by; but some of them are golden only because we let them slip by."

"to live will be a great adventure."

"you know that place between sleeping and awake, that place where you can still remember dreaming? that's where i'll always think of you."

"God gave us memory so that we might have roses in december."

"build a house?" exclaimed john.
"for the wendy," said curly.
"for wendy?" john said, aghast. "why, she is only a girl!"
"that," explained curly, "is why we are her servants."

may i ask (you) a question?

2010-05-27T17:20:00.003-05:00

[from april 13, 2010:]

did those rabbis realize? did they catch it? that there, before their very own eyes, in that twelve year old body, was the Lord himself? that the Almighty God of Creation--the one whom they’d studied for years--sat. at. their. feet?

and for john, the forerunner...the one bringing the thunder...the one preparing the way for the Lord (calling out to the wilderness for all to repent...) what was it like to see Him come toward you? to see the beauty of the Trinity convene in that water? did you weep? were you speechless? what occurred in the depths of you when that which you’d spoken of for years was suddenly, there. and here?

and woman, sweet (adulterous) woman. what did it sound like when those men dropped their rocks after He wrote in the dirt?...as rock-by-rock the weight of your sin, screw-ups and shame fell, echoed and eventually became silent...did you know that He was Love? did you know He was Peace? did you know that He felt the heaviness-- and would carry your weight upon His shoulders, on a cross--so that you, and i, would never have to?

and you, bleeding woman, when He healed you?
and you, disciple, when bread multiplied before you--did you know that would happen the day you dropped your net?
and you, servant girl, by the fire, questioning peter--did you know, then, that you spoke of the Messiah?

and you, sir, watching in the crowd. witnessing His death (and joining the mob’s cry against Him)--did you feel the earth. quake. beneath. your feet. when it was finished?

and also for you, women, when He found you walking at the very moment He should have been in the grave...? what was the air like that day? could you feel the weight of all life shifting in that moment, at the entrance of a new Hope?

and peter, friend, when He called you to shore and started talking about sheep...were you thinking about the rooster, the denials, the shame? or did you look into His eyes and surrender all else to Freedom, Rest and Redemption?

and to the group gathered when the Spirit came at Pentecost, do you remember that room? that day? did those events ruin you (like they’ve ruined me) for life as it was?

--
photo source.

liz's testimony.

2010-05-01T00:34:00.002-05:00

meet my friend, liz, and be encouraged by the incredible things the Lord worked in her life this semester.

i pray that i will never forget what it was like to journey through this time with the Church at tulane...
and that semesters to come will only bring continued Good News to this city.

Story of Liz Bowers from Vintage Church on Vimeo.

and may we never become too familiar with the loving, powerful nature of our Lord.

"now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. amen."
ephesians 3v20-21

folksy.

2010-04-15T22:23:00.005-05:00

sometimes i wish that Christianity (as i know it) was more folksy.

i’m talking oral tradition and stories by the fire after a good meal. i wouldn’t even mind the whole "circle-up" concept when it came to community gatherings, where everyone is front row and has a face. there’s just something about the simplicity, the accessibility, the interactive factor that sits well with me...feels as if it comes naturally...but i guess i should probably pause here and explain myself.

(what i’m not saying is that i don’t value the Bible. in fact, i treasure it. i marvel, admittedly insufficiently, that i have the words of God, the Creator, my Papa written down and at my side whenever i reach for it. i rejoice that i can depend on the words i read to be valid, and that they’re not the production of some random street corner soap-boxer or his cohorts. i value the Word as Truth, on it’s own...and i’m not asking for embellishment. i’m not anti-"church”, nor anti-"Church”. i don’t think that theater/row style seating is a stumbling block to the Christian faith...)

it’s just that in the past few weeks as i've been dialoguing with God and processing some recent experiences, He's awakened a sort of restlessness in a few areas of my life--and i'm living the results of that. i'm finding support and clarity in words, and i feel compelled to share. here goes the journey...

--
part i. tell me a story

my love affair with history laid dormant for a good portion of my life. i was a whiz-kid at memorizing dates, mini-biographies and geographic locations. i knew what i was taught had importance, but i was (still am) the girl who needed connections...and for me, those connections needed to be with people. i needed someone to weave the narrative tapestry back and forth between “my present life” and “their past existence” in order to actually care/learn.

and thankfully, that “someone” came along and was followed by many other “someones” who were/are all master weavers, master story-tellers. these teachers--artists, really--began to show me how the characters we read about and the dates we learned were actual people and actual days of their lives. through their teachings, i began to see how something like “the boston tea party” wasn’t always a bold-face, red-letter textbook sub-heading, but that a group of people really did get fed up with the way their lives were being shaped and chose to act upon it. and that individuals making up that group absolutely did have feelings, fears, passions and families who may or may not have supported them. and that it’s even possible some of them went home and journaled about it afterward to try and make sense of what. just. happened.... and then (and only then) i loved history. and still love it to this day.

and for me, the story flows pretty similarly when it comes to the Bible. when speaking from the Bible becomes just names, dates and dead people (and reading from the Bible is synonymous with browsing an aisle of hallmark-y cards)--i check out. fast. but the Good News is, that the Spirit is a better Teacher than the most inspiring and intriguing one’s i’ve had in and out of classrooms. and even better--that the stories He tells weave the narrative tapestry back and forth between “my present life” and “His past, present and future”. and those stories are infinitely more captivating than all of history that i’ve learned about in school (and that really, all of those stories fir into His anyways...) and that blows my mind. because it’s not just a story about me and Him. it involves so many epic (and hidden) moments, people and places...

but more on those, them and there next time.

(tbc)

in the meantime...

2010-04-04T14:02:00.004-05:00

[click image for larger view]

a college confessional, of sorts.

2010-03-15T22:14:00.005-05:00

last august when i was packing up things for move-in, there were a few boxes that just didn’t make it in the car. it’s not that they wouldn’t have fit, necessarily--but i was getting nervous about moving into a shared space with a girl who i’d yet to meet in person, and well, i felt the need to make some cuts. i just needed to be practical, decisive and firm with myself about what stayed in franklin and what came to new orleans... (and this is where those of you who know me well let out a chuckle...)

the thing is, the boxes i left weren’t full of clothes. or shoes. or more make-up. or cute hair accessories. they weren’t filled with childhood stuffed animals or my pink blanky. no, ma’am. the boxes i left were full of art supplies. of oil paints, acrylic paints, glitter, glue, tissue paper, fabric scraps and blank canvasses. they were packed directly from the trunk of my box, because during the summer i'd decided that (alongside my jumper cables and flashlight) i might need a few other "emergency" items to keep busy if ever stranded on the side of the road, and what better way to stay occupied than whip out some art as cars whiz by, right? (and now the rest of you can start to understand the whole “practical” bit from the paragraph before...)

by some grand rationale i had convinced myself then and there that all i needed to keep the artsy side of me content while at college was a camera, a box of 12 colored pencils, some blunt tip kiddo scissors and a pad of elementary school style construction paper. [forget the boxes, nina. just take what you can carry in your hand.]

and this is where i needed a sista-friend to get in my face and sass. me. back. into. reality. [don’t take the art supplies? really? who was i trying to impress?]

but sista friend was not there. and i left the boxes, took the meager art rations and went on my way.

in the following weeks and months i’ve decided to let the blogosphere in on how i’ve managed thus far. the pretty, the ingenious and the absolutely ridiculous items i’ve made, the scraps i’ve used to decorate, the childish birthday gifts i've stayed up making and the things i've created just to create--they’re all coming out right here. i'll also be posting a bit about my creative inspirations these days and dreaming about upcoming projects. because, i've learned that my life sans art is pretty much stagnant water. and i don't do well with mosquitoes.

so, welcome to my crafty college life: behind the scenes, personal and oh-so-scandalous.

(well, to be fair, i did bring back some chalk pastels after christmas break... cue the excitement!)

On Writing, and Life.

2009-11-10T20:15:00.004-06:00

I had an early love for writing. Outrageously early, if you were to ask me today. I was that girl in your third grade class who always sat pensively at her corner desk, head bent over a sheet of wide-rule, mechanical pencil oscillating from line to line like a pendulum, or a paintbrush. When time came for writing assessments throughout high school, I would join the choir of groans as they circled the classroom, but secretly, I would love every minute of it. And while I’ve never been a runner, I like to think that the same rush of tingly juices that ran through my veins would be coursing through the girl set up on the blocks-- my spoken permission to flip the page being her gunshot.

But some message or motivation between those years and this past week must have mis-bounced off of a satellite in my brain, because recently I have really, really despised writing. To be fair, I can’t blame it on Professors Roger, Smith, Jones and Johnson because all they’ve done is what I’ve essentially paid them to do: teach and assign. Now it’s my turn to deliver, and I’m standing at the door with cold pizza. Nobody likes cold pizza. (Except, perhaps, for us college kids. Even though that’s only because anything beats meat that would be better used as raw material for a rubber bouncy ball.)

These days I feel more like I’m grasping for words, fumbling around for them in a dark room and tripping over everything possible. I read and re-read the words of storytellers whom I so admire (Don, Anne, Rick, Anne, Danielle, those untouchable geniuses at NPR) and I wonder at the world they must live in where the linguistic connection from heart to head to hand seems to run so smoothly. I recall the passionate, honest penmanship of Dr. King and Mother Teresa and I can only close my eyes and pray that something I contribute a small part to in life could ever be so impacting, and beautiful.

And ultimately, I sigh. Not defeated, not conquered, just taking a moment to remember. To remember the Greater Narrative, and the moments I’ve passed over too quickly along the way. To revisit good songs and recall nuggets of wisdom from an encouraging high-school teacher. Because even in the midst of coffee cups, GPAs and paychecks: life is happening. It’s being written all around. And if I pay attention at just the right moment, I may not stumble over the next good story. No, in fact, I may get to write it.

I may never leave...

2009-11-06T13:19:00.002-06:00

On Fridays, I finish classes by noon.

Two weeks ago, I decided to dedicate these free afternoons to city exploration.

Unfortunately I've hit week two and already run into an issue with my cute little plan:

I'm stuck, friends. I've found a little peace of heaven in NOLA, and I may never, ever leave...

Prepare to become friends with Rue de la Course, a superb coffee establishment that is only 20 minutes' walk from campus.

Classes? Responsibilities? Who needs 'em? I'm snug in the loft of this converted old bank with a tall glass of iced coffee and a delicious (and generous) slice of zucchini bread.

Soft light entering through aged windows and ornate, vaulted ceilings with chandeliers hanging remind me of a beautiful Irish cathedral I visited recently. The sounds of sweet conversation, espresso machines and old jazz all joining together in beautiful harmony lead me to take a few moments and soak in this present bliss...

And I'm smiling again because I've found yet another piece of the city that resonates. A place to deepen my roots, get some studying done and ultimately-- a place to share with others. Because if there's anything I'd love more than being here right now it would be to spend hours here surrounded by friends, living life and sojourning together. Cheers to those times.

---

A little lagniappe: quaint green desk lamps and the old vault door still intact? Lovely.

Coming back.

2009-10-28T17:55:00.003-05:00

There are days that I wish writing was not an art that must be crafted, shaped and practiced. I cannot begin to count the times when I have approached a blank page, full of head and heart-material to pour out, like paint, and still felt so restricted by my own lack of words to share. Writing is so much more meaningful to me than a means of informing--it is an invitation for my audience to pull up a chair, grab some coffee and share in little or much I have to offer. And recently, I've found myself hesitating to write at all, for fear that what I do put down fall so short as narrative to the life I find myself suspended in. And even so, a part of me still begs for words, and I've learned better than to deny that longing.

Now here I am, just over two months into life as a college student and a New Orleanian-in-the-making. I would be lying if I said that life in this moment is all that I had ever dreamed it would be, but I will say that life in this moment is wonderful and rarely dull. I'm learning, daily, to love my campus, my city and my Papa at deeper and (at what sometimes feel like) invasive levels. At times it's taken digging and searching to find treasures hidden for me here in NOLA, and I've come to rejoice in that. Because, in the midst of the chaos that frequently taints life around me, I'm finding refuge, peace and hope extravagant in the steady rise-and-fall of the breast of Him as I lean in for more (knowing and trusting that He will come through with abundance).

And I thank you now for grace and patience as I once again find my footing in the blog-world. Admittedly, I feel a little off-step writing again, but hope to soon find a rhythm and dance to keep things lively around here...

Grace and peace to you.

summer of adventures: let's turn here!

2009-07-08T13:17:00.004-05:00

about a week ago my friend casey and i decided to go driving tennessee back-roads. she had a decent grip on the area where we began, but it was only a matter of turns until we found ourselves on only gravel roads. we passed more dairy farms than i knew existed in tennessee. which is a perfect segue into this photo:

this, is a view that greeted us early on in the trip. and within seconds of seeing it, the suv was pulled over, the cameras whipped out and pictures were taken amidst a thick atmosphere of laughter. good times.

we continued to drive, turn, and take pictures of road signs we passed as a means of getting home. i think "opposum hollow road" and "slaughter road" shared the title for best sign of the day.

we also prayed for "a field of wildflowers to take pictures in... with multiple-colored flowers... and easy access... although we [didn't] have a problem trespassing"-- and sure enough, we got one. with butterflies.

all in all, a perfect day, full of wonder and joy, with a sweet friend. spending time in what is quickly becoming one of my very favorite states... (it only took 10 years of living here, right?)

summer of adventures: sunsets and see-you-laters.

2009-07-06T09:42:00.006-05:00

a few weeks ago i received a text message from one of my closest friends, kennie. the message: this is the last friday night we'll both be in town. typing it out just now felt a little morbid, but let me assure you that was not tone of the evening and night we proceeded to spend together ; )

[Some background info for you.]

kennie and i have known each other since middle school, a solid seven years. we are both musically inclined. we were each other's high school football partners for the past few seasons. we took many of the same classes and signed up for the same clubs. she is brilliant, beautiful, funny, adventurous and caring. and during our senior year, for five days a week, five hours straight each day--we were rarely more than five feet apart from each other. to take a line from grey's anatomy, she was my person.

[moving on to that special friday night.]

because of the special friendship i'm fortunate to share with kennie, i knew i wanted to make this particular just-for-us evening absolutely amazing. just for fun, here's a play-by-play:

- first, we got cupcakes : ) from iveycake in downtown franklin. she went for the red velvet and i for the strawberry. the verdict? delish.
- we actually ate them in the adorable mercantile deli while simultaneously enjoying a live acoustic set from a couple of local artists. double-win.
- next it was up to the 4th ave. parking garage for sunset and talking some more. this is where we saw THIS... (click images for larger)

- after that gorgeous sunset (i mean really, just look at it again if you need to.) we drove to an open field, tried to catch lightning bugs, relaxed on a blanket, watched the stars come out and at the end...we had a little dance party. just the two of us, with an ipod dock, in an area where no one could see how ridiculous we are, all thanks to the musical stylings of marc broussard, dave barnes, the moulin rouge cast, great big sea, sara bareilles, matt wertz, andy davis, kings of leon and many more.

- when we finally headed home, it was in good spirit. not a "goodbye" but a "see-you-later" as she proceeded to head out west for the rest of summer and the fall semester.

...and as i sat in my box, watching her pull out, i realized that sometimes summer adventures keep you at home, simply going after those things that drip of abundant life.

[below: a canvas i made for kennie. mixed media: oil, glow-in-the-dark-puff-paint, tissue paper, candle wax, ink pen, old envelopes, etc.]

keeping up with the journey i'm on.

2009-07-03T09:29:00.004-05:00

for a few months now, i had been toying with the idea of changing my "blog name". something about closed eyes, open heart just didn't resonate with me anymore. truthfully the phrase holds very little meaning to me now, and more than likely i chose it because it sounded pretty years ago as i was writing something...

i started this blog a little more than three years ago, at the end of my freshman year of high school. i had no particular plans for how it would grow, nor did i really care. writing was the medium in which i felt most comfortable expressing myself. there were maybe four people who read my posts, and i had never heard of terms like ""technorati", "blogroll", "rss", "stat ho" or "ht"--and neither had any of my friends.

but now i'm entering into my freshman year of college and blogging (twitter, flickr, social-media-you-name-it) have become second nature. i've splashed around in the blogosphere a bit and staked my claim in a handful of amazing communities. i've learned, laughed, browsed and spent far too much time watching random youtube videos. my readership hasn't grown much, but i think there is beauty in the small things ; )

and along with this (perhaps false) sense of blogging maturity, i have more of a blueprint for this blog. simply, it is to document the journey i am on. the epic and the epic failures. with words, pictures, paintings, (sparingly) youtube videos and anything else that seems fit. the experiences, joys, life lessons that come from striving to live out the "great command" and hopefully, the adventure that comes from being the hands, feet, smile of christ. on earth as it is in heaven; as above, so below.

so whether you're new to this little corner or have been here since post one-- welcome, thanks for coming, may you be blessed.

-- just a little picture from my favorite class thus far in life: film as literature. taken during our end of the year awards ceremony, the chessers. my dear friend kennie and i presented for the "best scene" category which ended up being the "tiny dancer sing-a-long" from almost famous : )

Summer of Adventures: Waterfalls, etc.

2009-06-23T23:39:00.002-05:00

Until this summer, nobody felt the need to inform me that Tennessee could look like this.

(Locations-- Rock Island, TN and Burgess Falls, TN)

A Summer of Adventures.

2009-06-12T20:50:00.002-05:00

While at tea recently, a respected friend turned to me and said,

"Nina, this is a very special summer. You're not going to have another summer like this."

And today, I think I'm beginning to truly understand the truth in her words. It's baffling to me that just three weeks ago, I walked across a stage, gave a speech and received a diploma. So much LIFE has happened since those moments--but hey, I'm certainly not complaining.

In my life, the word of the season is: Adventure. This is a period for "first tries", doing things that make me a little uncomfortable and cramming as much as I can into every day--and every moment.

For a weeks now I've wanted to tell the stories of my summer thus far. It's only this evening that the words have begun making connections with the keyboard. And so, I will dutifully begin to recount these Adventures, to the optimum ability I have, with text and picture.

Adventure 1: Volunteer Girls State

Last Summer, I embarked on a journey to the American Legion Auxilary Volunteer Girls State. I spent a week in a crummy dorm getting to know forty-five beautiful, vibrant, ambitious, brave girls my age. And it was delicious. Really. I ate up each day and its teachings like a decadent chocolate ganache...or probably more like a really tender and well-season steak...because there was just SO MUCH to take in. I blogged some of the trip (including a bit on how quickly I can pick up a southern accent) and if you're ever so interested, you can read about my delegate year here (just scroll down the page a little).

Things this time around were a smidge different, though, as I was no longer a wide-eyed delegate with NO IDEA of what she was jumping into. This time around, I had the honor of returning as a first-year Junior Counselor, and it was completely, utterly wonderful.

The amazing things I learned from the program about discipleship are best suited for conversation, and I would be overjoyed to have that conversation with anyone. The love so permeating the air at MTSU was intoxicating--a love of the staff for the delegates, for each other, and the growing love and support of the delegates among themselves cannot be expressed in written word (at least not to a satisfactory level, by my voice).

But, I will give you a taste of what the week can be like--from one of the delegate's eyes. She was placed in my city (read: dorm floor, core group of forty-five) and I am blessed to have met and spend time with her. Here are her words, shared in a final assmebly to all 600 delegates, staff, etc. in attendance:

As I sit here wondering what this paper is going to be about, the only thing that comes to mind is:

Girls State isn't a summer camp, it is a sisterhood.

From what it seemed, I was just like any other young girl preparing to participate in the actions of Volunteer Girls State. I experienced the same emotions: fear, nerves, excitement, optimism; once I got here, everything changed.
Walking from the front door of our hall to my dorm a mile away and back to the bear cave was one of the most exhilarating activities I've done in a long while. I'm pretty sure it was the longest walk EVER, too. Approaching a huge group of girls coloring while awkwardly staring at each other was not how I expected to be welcomed. I figured someone had to break the awkward silence at some point. So, why not me? Right now? So, I sat down, grabbed some markers,and started talking, and that was just the beginning.
Now, a week has passed and Volunteer Girls State is coming to a close. Looking back to last Sunday, I'm amazed. Our Green City Grizzlies have gone from coloring five feet away from each other to signing papers on one anothers' backs. We have experienced what it feels like to fail so horribly but to laugh so hard. We have learned that government is vital, but it's the teamwork behind it is what's important. I have realized I have never in my life been so comfortable with a group of girls so fast.
For someone who would much rather hang with the guys, I found myself laughing harder, yelling more, and cheering more often than I ever had before. I found myself discussing personal experiences with a couple of girls that I had only known for three days, and I was ok with that. I found myself making people smile and giving them a reason to laugh more than ever, and as an inspiration, too. I found myself dragging out bedtime longer and longer every night no matter how exhausted I was because I knew when I went to sleep, one more amazing day was completed. I found myself giving so many high 5's my hand would swell and learning more about government than I ever thought a seventeen year old teenager needed to know. I found myself, wait, that's just it: I found myself.
Being here at VGS, I've found a piece of myself I knew I was missing but never thought it was important enough to have to succeed in life. Boy, was I wrong!
I have been struggling with not having a hint of confidence for years, and when I finally was so exhausted from being so low, I began to ask God for a way to let me know I matter to someone else in this world. Looking back, that is about the time I received my first Girls State text: "Welcome..."
That's just what I needed. "Welcome..."
Welcome to a new home. Welcome to a getaway with 535 other girls with at least 45 of them loving you for who you are. Welcome to a week full of time to teach us to delight in our weaknesses and a time to be thankful and humble when we succeed. Welcome to a city where the citizens are the ones who become your true best friends. Welcome to a place where nobody knows your past but believes whole-heartedly in your future. Welcome to the time of your life to live with no regrets. Welcome to the place where you can be who YOU want to be. Welcome to Grizzly Bear Country. Welcome to Girls State. Welcome to a sisterhood.
Volunteer Girls State was just what I needed to feel like me again. From the insanely packed schedules, to Ms. Jenise's hilarious lectures, to Major Kathy's beasting inspiration, to quiet time after the VESPERS, VGS had more in store for me than I ever thought possible. As many leaders have said, I am here for a reason. The reason unfolds with every new message that comes my way. I'm here to be me, to do what I do best, and because of this week, I have now felt like I haven't in years. I now feel beautiful. I am beautiful.

//

(Green City Counselors 2009)

Thank you, God, for this program. For its women. And for how you're using it in my life.

Can't stop listening...

2009-05-12T21:30:00.004-05:00

to this video and the rest of Jon Schmidt's stuff. Makes me WISH I played piano. Or a string cello. Or both.

Lull.

2009-05-11T17:05:00.002-05:00

As I sit here, in a local coffeeshop, thinking about where I am, in every way imaginable, I find myself increasingly conscious of every breath.

And then, I think over the number of times in the past month where I have been that still.

The answer? Very few.

Truth is, life in the past month has gone by in such a frenzy.
A good, challenging, blessed frenzy - but a frenzy nonetheless.

So I sit, ponder, process.

Speak simply, breathe.

Because this is only blink, a pause.

The moment between inhale and exhale.

Tomorrow is my last day of high school.

Then,
Spring Day Friday.
Open House Sunday.
Graduation, Girls State, Summer.

But now? Right. Now?
I sink into the booth I'm in, and let myself be lulled by the sweet motions of life.

Because tomorrow, and in the days after, there will be lots of posting, processing, writing, photographing. And adventures are so much better when rested : )

Just playing in the yard, after the rain,

2009-04-13T18:17:00.007-05:00

with a rather expensive toy ;)
(click for larger image)

For a few more, go here and for the rest click right here :)

Stepping In.

2009-04-12T17:29:00.004-05:00

A day earlier than originally thought, but all the same - I'm stepping back into this little blog once again.

Lent was truly wonderful. This is the first year I've really observed the Lenten season, and I have learned much more about myself than I could ever have imagined.

That said, I have not even begun to process everything that's happened since the last post. And knowing myself, it will likely be weeks or months until I have the opportunity to do so.

Fortunately, that is what this dear blog will be for: Processing. Reflecting. Sharing.

As for the other aspects of my fast, I've yet to decide what life from here on out will look like for me in the Twitter and Facebook worlds. I've come to love the quiet, the in-person conversations and my significantly improved attention span. Even after glancing around the web for a while today, I found myself overwhelmed and overstimulated. And honestly, I'm just not a fan of feeling that way...so, it's just going to take some time before I decide whether or not to jump back in those area.

And now, to wrap up the post with a few random things from the past 40-or-so days:
- I have re-discovered a love for performance. But I think I love the process and practice leading up to the shows even more.
- Tales of a Female Nomad, by Rita Golden Gelman brought my appetite for travel, adventure and people to an entirely new, and different, level. And supplied me with my new favorite word: wanderlust.
- Painting with a mixed group of friends, at the park, on a sunny afternoon=bliss. Just, bliss.
- I was gifted a new zoom lens for my Rebel. Out of the blue. By someone I've never met, but who knows my brother. Love, love, love!
- Countdown to graduation: 41 days. Ridiculous.

Stepping out.

2009-02-24T18:25:00.003-06:00

For this Lenten season, I am taking a step away from: blogging, social networking (Twitter, Facebook) and other unnecessary "noise" I've invited into my life.

I will instead be stepping into: as much face time with people as I can reasonably manage (particularly with classmates who I many not see much of in 88 days), a new (big) writing endeavor and just pursuing my Creator through reading, listening and taking time to just be.

When I stick my toes back in these parts come April 13, life will be at an exciting last push at the closing of one season and the ushering in of a new one. I want to be, be there with everything I've got, so I'm taking time out to intentionally prepare.

Blessings to each of you who read this between now and then. May you be filled with new hope, peace and joy each day.

(And for anyone who may read this needing to reach me, my e-mail and cell will still be fully functioning.)

For the Kingdom.
fmc

Sneak peek.

2009-02-19T17:07:00.001-06:00

"All right. How about instead of what-- who? Who do you carry with you? You've been on this journey for some huge story and you've just got to realize you're not alone here. You've gotta start paying attention to the people. Who they are at the rawest. People are the stories, Jake. They're not just characters. It's like you keep acting like people are just influences on your life. You've got to stop that. They're all a part of you.

It's like if I'm trying to come up with some new song. I can't just try to box myself in to avoid influence from other artists. That's ridiculous. Everything I've been given, everything I've hear, every experience I'm in -- I carry bits and pieces of it all with me. Sure it gets messy sometimes. Sometimes, the dark inky mess of it all drips all over and I can't stop it. But sometimes, it's brilliant. When I carry with me everyone who had ever hurt me, loved me, held me and taught me how to wonder--if I just carry them all in my heart and let them just go free...Jake, it's a symphony."

Risky dreams and other things.

2009-02-12T17:59:00.002-06:00

Just a quick update today. Pictures and other things to come in the next week or so, I'm sure.

. I am writing the script for a film. Wow, that sounds crazy to get out. It all started as an assignment for Film as Lit to write an original scene. But with the way my mind has latched onto this, it's going to be a full-on movie. I read this and I'm admittedly terrified...and excited. I've had a really close friend be my cheerleader on this one. She was my sounding board for the scene. Who knows? I may even put some of it on here? (But then again, maybe not.)

.. Today marks 100 Days until GRADUATION. I made t-shirts for a friend and myself and handed out over 120 "100 Grand" bars to every senior I knew and could find. Anything for a little motivation.

... I'm going on my final Winter Retreat as a student this weekend. It'll be nice to revisit Garner again and get some time away.

.... Found this yesterday, and fell in love:

"Disturb me, Lord, when my dreams come true, only because I dreamed too small. Disturb me when I arrive safely, only because I sailed too close to the shore. Disturb me when the things I have gained cause me to lose my thirst for more of You. Disturb me when I have acquired success, only to lose my desire for excellence. Disturb me when I give up too soon and settle too far short of the goals You have set for my life. Amen.” Sir Francis Drake - 1577

Peace, hope and laughter.
nc

New territory.

2009-02-08T00:25:00.002-06:00

Today I spent three more hours with a hazelnut/vanilla latte, Spilling Open, a journal, a pen and my thoughts on...a film idea.

Crazy, right?

In my Film as Lit class, we've been asked to think up and write a scene for a movie of our own choice. I'd actually been dreading the thought of script-writing all year (hoping to just stick to film analysis), and I've surprised myself with how consumed with this assignment I am. Right now I am completely in love with creating characters and dreaming up how they interact. Coming up with motives. Back-stories. Speech characteristics. Everything.

I guess there's just something about stories. Reading them, sharing them and now -- creating them that absolutely drives me.

Writing like this life-giving and terrifying in the same breath. Or stroke of the pen. I'm trying not to get too caught up in perfecting each aspect of the story as I go, as that is incredibly exhausting...but I can't stop asking myself questions about characters who I've not yet met...

We'll see where exactly this journey takes me. I may even post some ideas and excerpts here on the blog. But for now, it's just me and my imagination, and perhaps some more caffeine.

[photo ht: Flickr]

Quiet on a Sunday Morning.

2009-02-01T13:28:00.001-06:00

Man, I love this town.

Thankful.

2009-01-20T18:43:00.004-06:00

Today is a special day in history. And arguably, tomorrow will be a special day in history. And the next. And the next.

And while I could write about the inauguration of President Obama in light of where our nation stands at this moment-- I won't. Because truth is, hundreds of other people have articulated much of my own thoughts elsewhere on the web in far more eloquent of a fashion than I have energy for tonight.

And the deeper truth is, even with the grandeur of today surrounding coming from many other things, my focus has rests completely on these two pictures:

I am ridiculously blessed. I am surrounded by beautiful friends (and these shots are just a small representation) who can make me laugh to the point of tears and who love me well. They call me just to cheer me on and encourage. They meet me where I am on any given day and they step in for me when I need them.

So as the day winds down and the week goes on, I continue to remind myself of all Dad's showered all around me and give thanks. Because, truly, these are the ones who help me to choose "hope instead of fear" every single day.

On Apples to Apples and my other home.

2009-01-12T18:32:00.004-06:00

Not much energy for words lately, but here are a few photos from last Saturday night. An Apples to Apples fiesta with some old, some new--but all sarcastic, and fun friends.

Taken in my home away from home, McCreary's.

A re-post, with added commentary.

2008-12-24T09:24:00.004-06:00

Announcement: "The Decision" of this season of my life has been made.
I will be attending Tulane University in New Orleans, LA in the fall.

And now for that re-post (with current thoughts in bold:
-- (From August 31, 2008)

(There have been a LOT of thoughts running through my mind lately about this city, and I figured it'd be best to get them down in writing...jumbled as they are.)
Funny thing is, there are STILL a lot of thoughts running through my mind about this city. And, I'm STILL choosing to write them out ;)

- The past month I haven't been able to stop thinking about New Orleans throughout my days. Hurricane Gustav has just upped the thoughts.
The weekend I blogged this, our church started gathering items for a local rec center that would be housing evacuees. One of my best friends braved the WalMonster with me, and then fully supported me as I went into (her words) "New Orleans mode". Doing something to help in this area was so energizing, so life-giving.

- For some reason, Dad has just laid this area on my heart. I've only been there once (two spring breaks ago to help with Katrina relief) but I really, really, really want to go back. ( And, two weeks ago, I received word from a couple of friends that live there that I could come and stay with them this fall for a visit...)
I did go visit NOLA this fall. Right before Thanksgiving to be exact - to visit Tulane. I also got to visit with the aforementioned friends (who I really consider to be more like family).

- But back to the spring break trip--the last morning we were there, I felt like Dad told me that I would be back there someday. I left with a piece of my heart in that city and a peace in my heart. But recent weather has started to shake me up again.
There was a certain spot where this event occurred. It was on the Moonwalk along the Mississippi River, not far from Cafe du Monde. I'll never forget that moment, the feelings I had or the thoughts coursing through my mind.

- Friday night, I applied to Tulane University. It was my first college application. Earlier in the month, I had Googled "international development major" just to see if such a thing existed -- and sure enough, Tulane was one of three schools that came up. I read into the major, and it sounded really interesting,(basically, studying urgent issues within developing/third world countries and how to address them) but I didn't think much of it.... Until I got an email from Tulane a few days later offering me a "Personal Application" that wouldn't cost me a thing, among other benefits... So I applied.
...and a month later, I got in! They accepted me, and offered me a considerable scholarship package, etc. But, I still wasn't settled.

- While browsing their website post-application, I found something that talked about "wanting to be part of rebuilding a city" as a draw for students to come to Tulane (it's one of -if not the- biggest employers in N.O.) - something that echoes Isaiah 61, an important passage to me...
After visiting the school, I can really say that this is SO true. And to me, that is exciting.

- And that brings me to now. I just went to WalMart to purchase items to stock a local Rec Center for refugees, because, well, I don't know what else to do. I don't know what New Orleans will look like in a matter of days, weeks or months...or if instead of going for a college visit the next time, I'll be working relief again...
And praise Dad that my visit wasn't for relief. Or, maybe just a different kind of relief-- relief from the daunting college search ;)

- So I pray, I wait and I remember -- all that Dad's done for me, and for this city, and ultimately, for His people. For Peace, Protection and Hope.
And I continue to pray, wait and remember, but also hope, dream, and rest up for this new season and upcoming adventure.

And now a picture from my most recent trip, just for fun.

Other posts on here about NOLA:
NOLA on my mind.
Let's reminisce.
A few SB pictures.
SB07 Re-cap.

Barefoot, by choice.

2008-12-13T12:09:00.005-06:00

As previously stated on this blog a number of times:
I am not a big fan of shoes.

However recently I felt the need to more accurately define that statement, for the sake of all who may ever read this blog:

- I prefer not to wear shoes for relatively short periods of time because I like the feeling of solid ground under my feet.
- And because I am more blessed that I tend to realize, I have the choice not to wear shoes -- and the choice to slip some shoes on when my feet get too hot, too cold or uncomfortable in any fashion.
- I like shoes because they can be fun accessories when assembling an outfit. They can show off my personality.

But, here's the deal, friends...

As close as the Appalachia region and as far as Southeast Asia, there are millions of people without shoes. These are children who work in landfills, exposing themselves to all sorts of health risks. These are abused mothers and wives who are having to rebuild their lives from absolutely nothing.

And this is where you and I walk in (pun? you bet.) -

Nashville-based non-profit Soles4Souls is committed to meeting the basic need for footwear for multitudes of people around the world. And they're also committed to setting big goals. Like the 50,000 Shoes in 50 Days Challenge. See, for $5 donated to this organization, you can supply TWO PEOPLE with shoes. That simple. Even cooler? Many organizations have committed to matching certain amounts of donations for shoes. (I was finally able to give my amount yesterday, and it's certainly put much of life into perspective.)

So now this is me, encouraging you to hop on over to 50000shoes.com and consider donating as well and working toward a common goal.

Want more insight to the situation? Check out founder Wayne Elsey's blog.

Peace.

On childish things and taking risks.

2008-12-11T19:23:00.004-06:00

(Over the past week.)

Childish things:
- I downloaded the audio version of J.M. Barrie's Peter Pan and have listened to a chapter a night.
- I started reading The Chronicles of Narnia during school, because I grew bored of bringing movies and a laptop -- and I'm a sucker for adventure.

Taking risks:
- I auditioned for a part in our school's spring musical, Little Women.
- I didn't get cast, but I took up on an offer to be house manager for the show.

Being childish and taking a (minor health) risk ;o) :
- Tonight, I went bare foot to take pictures in the snow. It was cooooold. But fun.

Visual feast.

2008-12-08T17:02:00.004-06:00

On the drive to NOLA, about an hour from our hotel. Taking pictures at 70mph.

Revisiting.

2008-12-06T23:50:00.002-06:00

The Sunday-Tuesday prior to Thanksgiving, I took a college visit to Tulane University in NOLA. It was an exciting time to explore new areas of the city, see some of the rebuilding and change from two years ago, be with old friends, eat some delicious food and immerse myself in the unique, hard to verbalize culture of New Orleans.

But better than all of the aforementioned (yes, even better than beignets and cafe au lait) -- was coming back to this area, right along the River, and just being still for a moment. Remembering, reflecting and dreaming.

Thomas Merton prayer.

2008-11-16T22:48:00.003-06:00

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think
that I am following your will does not mean that
I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you
does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything
apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road,
through I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always,
though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear,
for you are ever with me,
and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

Resolve.

2008-11-06T17:46:00.002-06:00

I am not a fan of the sun bowing out on me at 5:00 p.m.

So I have decided to start waking up one hour earlier than usual -- 5:00 a.m.

Twelve whole hours of sunlight. How about that?

Let's see how long this lasts.

Pause. Breathe. Write.

2008-10-29T19:14:00.002-05:00

This morning a chill
crept through the leak in my window,
slid along the carpet floor,
stretched upward toward the bed, and
tickled my toe.

And life took up a somber march.
I swear, life lumbers so
slowly in the mornings...
but not this one.
Not today.

The pesky chill that sought
my littlest toe
swiftly scurried
about the rest of me.
And pranced,
and giggled, mocking
as I pretended to be
molasses, and
slid out of bed.

---

Tonight I sat and watched David McCullogh's commencement address for the Boston College Class of 2008. It was delightful. Charming. Full of wisdom, with just enough lecture. And it made me think of all the things I want in college, and in the rest of my life. Recently I've so entangled myself in the drudgery of college applications and the like that I forgot for a moment how refreshing language is. MCCullogh reminded of that. And so I opened up this page and began to write. The first words to exit my fingertips. They weren't words of wisdom. Nor components of a rant. Not at all. But they were (and are) playful words true to my reluctance to begin the day today. And they make me smile (and I hope they make you smile, too.)

Reason #6594876 I love blogging.

2008-10-04T19:51:00.005-05:00

When you don't have the words, someone else does.

"I've been in sort of a funk, as of late. Usually, this feeling of restlessness comes much later in the year--it comes when the daylight is short, the wind is cold and the trees have all but forgotten what it means to have leaves. But now the sun is shining, the wind on my face is warm, and life still hangs from the branches outside my window.

I have been going to work, but the stories there have hidden themselves from me..."

-- ht: 6YearMed

Well hello, blog.

2008-09-29T19:44:00.002-05:00

Right now I have one of those headaches where I literally feel and hear the blood running through my head.

I think, though, that this monster has been trying to catch up with me for almost two weeks now.

Life has been ridiculous the past two weeks. And really? I'm tired. But, I'll continue to push on at least through this Saturday (the end of Homecoming Hysteria).

---

Right now I have one of those feelings where I literally feel and hear the thoughts running through my head.

I think, though, that these thoughts have been trying to catch up with me for almost two weeks now.

Life has been ridiculous the past two weeks. And really? I'm excited. And, I'll continue to push on at least through this Saturday (the end of Homecoming, hallelujah).

Give Me Your Eyes.

2008-09-16T17:24:00.003-05:00

Looked down from a broken sky
Traced out by the city of lights
My world from a mile high
Best seat in the house tonight
Touch down on the cold black-top
Hold on for the sudden stop
Breathe in the familiar shock of confusion and chaos
All those people goin' somewhere, why have I never cared

Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken-hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten
Give me Your eyes so I can see
Yeah

Step out on the busy street
See a girl and our eyes meet
Does her best to smile at me
To hide what's underneath
There's a man just to her right
Black suit and a bright red tie
Too ashamed to tell his wife he's out of work, he's buyin' time
All those people goin' somewhere, why have I never cared

Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me Your arms for the broken-hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten
Give me Your eyes so I can see
Yeah

I've been there a million times
A couple million lives
Just movin' past me by, I swear I never thought that I was wrong
But I wanna second glance so give me a second chance to see the way you've seen the people all along

Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me Your arms for the broken-hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten
Give me Your eyes so I can see

New Orleans on my mind.

2008-08-31T15:57:00.004-05:00

(There have been a LOT of thoughts running through my mind lately about this city, and I figured it'd be best to get them down in writing...jumbled as they are.)

- The past month I haven't been able to stop thinking about New Orleans throughout my days. Hurricane Gustav has just upped the thoughts.

- For some reason, Dad has just laid this area on my heart. I've only been there once (two spring breaks ago to help with Katrina relief) but I really, really, really want to go back. ( And, two weeks ago, I received word from a couple of friends that live there that I could come and stay with them this fall for a visit...

- But back to the spring break trip--the last morning we were there, I felt like Dad told me that I would be back there someday. I left with a piece of my heart in that city and a peace in my heart. But recent weather has started to shake me up again.

- Friday night, I applied to Tulane University. It was my first college application. Earlier in the month, I had Googled "international development major" just to see if such a thing existed -- and sure enough, Tulane was one of three schools that came up. I read into the major, and it sounded really interesting,(basically, studying urgent issues within developing/third world countries and how to address them) but I didn't think much of it.... Until I got an email from Tulane a few days later offering me a "Personal Application" that wouldn't cost me a thing, among other benefits... So I applied.

- While browsing their website post-application, I found something that talked about "wanting to be part of rebuilding a city" as a draw for students to come to Tulane (it's one of -if not the- biggest employer in N.O.) - something that echoes Isaiah 61, an important passage to me...

- And that brings me to now. I just went to WalMart to purchase items to stock a local Rec Center for refugees, because, well, I don't know what else to do. I don't know what New Orleans will look like in a matter of days, weeks or months...or if instead of going for a college visit the next time, I'll be working relief again...

- So I pray, I wait and I remember -- all that Dad's done for me, and for this city, and ultimately, for His people. For Peace, Protection and Hope.

Nashville love and some other things.

2008-08-11T19:08:00.003-05:00

Say 'ello to:

OAR.
Matt Wertz.
The Swell Season (Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova).
Ray LaMontagne.
Marc Broussard.
Iron & Wine.
Jason Mraz.

ALL on the Ryman Auditorium fall line-up.

In. Credible.

Looks like I needs to be gettin' a job....

-------------------------------------------
On a completely separate topic...
-------------------------------------------

Today, a loverly friend tagged me in a picture that was taken exactly 792 days ago, and it got me thinking about how much I have changed since the time it was taken. (physically, spiritually, etc.)

A lot can happen in 792 days. A lot can happen in a day.

And really, that's a lot that I don't want to miss out on.

So. Every day of senior year, I have decided to take one picture. Of me. Of the sky. Of anything. And then post my 7 pictures on here once a week as a way to remember.

There's my little resolution. And I'm starting today.

-------------------------------------------

Now for fun- the aforementioned picture and one taken 2 minutes ago for comparison.

792 days. I go from fair skinned, blue eyed and red headed to....not ;) Love ya, Amy!

All nighter?

2008-08-10T21:17:00.003-05:00

In ten short hours, I will be beginning my senior year of high school. (Finally.)

Words can't really wrap around the mess inside my head or my heart, but I will say that I'm excited for everything Dad has planned for this year.

And I will probably be listening to a lot of the following free new Phil Wickham CD.

And that's it for now, folks. See ya on the flip side of my last first day (until college, that is).

A look into my closet.

2008-08-09T18:56:00.006-05:00

So it's been a pretty busy summer, and, well, the cleanliness of my room has suffered quite a bit because of that.

And consequently, I have spent quite a few horas cleaning this pit out.

And that means sorting through old clothes, new clothes and a collection of "Did I REALLY spend cash-money on/ wear THAT?" clothes.

And because I have little better to write about at the moment, I though I'd take you all along my "the clothes-est with the most-est" extravaganza.

Have a fun trip!

First up:

We're going south-of-the-border with some authentic Mexican ponchos!

Doesn't it just make you want some fajitas and guacamole?

And now, a look into my performing past --

where I had former lives as a 50's sock-hop gal,

Renaissance queen,

and EGYPTIAN....or Jamaican... gotta love children's musicals.

But the best outfit I pulled off of a hanger might just be too much for you to handle.

Really. Put down any beverage you have. Make sure you are seated.

This might not be appropriate for the kiddos.

Just kidding.

Alright, just make sure you breathe...

It's a shiny blue 80s jumpsuit!

With a belt/kangaroo pocket combo!

And the Goodwill tag still on it! (I got it for half-price, so it was only like $4)

Oh MY! Is that a NON-REMOVABLE shoulder pad attacking me?!

Gotcha! I'm okay.

Really, friends, I realize this post has no substance...and has more exclamation points than I use in a four month period... but just take it like a public service announcement : Be kind to your closet, and clean it out every now and then. :)

Senior Portraits.

2008-07-30T23:35:00.003-05:00

All photos courtesy of Michael Howard Photography -- Check this guy out, he's basically a rockstar photographer and has a fabulous family, too! (Although, I may be a bit biased...)

It's finally starting to hit - this whole "being a senior" thing. I have a lanyard, schedule, parking pass, ID and now senior portraits to prove it. And thankfully, none of these portraits involve a big plastic '09 or cheesy reflective table to gaze into.

Did someone mention moutains?

2008-07-25T10:04:00.002-05:00

Pause-worthy moments.

2008-07-22T12:27:00.003-05:00

Pictures from the trip - part one.

Catching up, little by little.

2008-07-18T21:08:00.002-05:00

So I'm back from K.

And at the moment, the most I can say is that the trip was beyond anything I could have expected - in the best of ways.

I'm taking the time to go through pictures, journal entries and other recollections and simply soak everything in. I now have the time to process two weeks' worth of intense living, and that's exactly what I'm doing... just wait with me as words begin to form and pictures are posted.

--

And now to something completely unrelated.

I have to read two books in the next three-ish weeks. But, I'm having trouble deciding which two (one from each of the following lists) -- any suggestions?

List 1:
- The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
- The Awakening
- Beloved
- A Farewell to Arms
- Macbeth
- A Raisin in the Sun
- Hamlet
- The Scarlet Letter

List 2:
- On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft by Stephen King
- Zen in the Art of Writing: Releasing the Creative Genius Within You by Ray Bradbury
- Ernest Hemingway on Writing by Ernest Hemingway, Larry W. Phillips (Editor)
- Art of Fiction: Notes on Craft for Young Writers by John C. Gardner, J. Laslocky (Editor)

Tweet, tweet!

2008-07-05T12:41:00.002-05:00

Hey everyone. We made it to the Balkans yesterday afternoon - things have been kind of hectic since then, but it's been fun. The mountains here are gorgeous, and tomorrow we get to go up in them. I probably won't be updating here much. You can follow myself and our team Twitter accounts here and right here.

Until the next time!

Adventure.

2008-07-02T22:43:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow I leave for a trip that I've been counting down to for quite some time.

It will be an adventure, I'm sure. I hope to update here as I have opportunity - but either way there will be lots of stories and pictures to follow.

So, see you in a little while, blog-world. I'm off!

On friends and adventures.

2008-06-22T22:35:00.004-05:00

I absolutely love my friends and their adventures.
I don't tell them that first part enough
...but I guess I can give them link love to make up for it, right? ;)

First, we have my favorite Southern belle (who you may have read about a few posts down), Amberly. This girl just returned from a life-rocking trip to Malawi where she taught, loved, made bricks and built a house. She's catching everyone up on it right now.

And next, there's my girl Kelso. Also a member of the Malawi team - she is an AMAZING photographer. Seriously. She's got an impeccable eye. And a huge heart for the kids in Africa. She's also new to this realm of blogging, so be encouraged to stop by!

--

Also, pictures from the Nashvegas Zoo to come later. Get pumped.

I AM ALIVE.

2008-06-12T16:37:00.003-05:00

New blog/project/musing.

Check it out right here, if you please.

Also, the Malawi team returns tomorrow night. EXCITING!!

A Girls State Miracle. (VGS pt. 4)

2008-06-05T16:41:00.004-05:00

Now for a less serious, but still serious post ;)

You could not have paid me cash moo-lah two weeks ago to make me to believe that 521 high school girls--living on one campus, in beyond-old dorms, for seven days--could actually manage without the least bit of drama.

In fact, if you had even hinted at such an untruth, I probably would have laughed. A lot.

Because high school girls, even almost-senior high school girls, tend to be a little catty. And melodramatic. Particularly when sleep-deprived.

But thankfully, not so at VGS.

Take the horror of communal bathrooms/showers for example:

44 girls lived on our floor of the dorm.
8 showers, 8 sinks and 8 stalls were built on our floor of the dorm.
So that's a little under 6 girls per bathroom. Manageable? Yes.

Until you subtract the 4 showers that malfunctioned.
And the handful of toilets that decided to take the week off.
And the 2 sinks that don't work at all.
And the 2 sinks that only work if you keep a knob turned the entire time.

And we haven't even hit the whole toilet-flush-scalding-shower-freezing-shower phenomenon. (Which, by the end of the week was well avoided by the flusher yelling a warning call to those showering.)

But then you still have the pesky issue of shower temperatures, right?
Not if you post warning and special instruction signs i.e. "ONLY COLD WATER" or "COLD WATER IF TURNED TO HOT OR COLD, BUT HOT WATER IF TURNED TO WARM"

As if that wasn't enough to blow my mind-- toss in the fact that each girl was celebrated for who she was (and especially so if she lost an election), the instance that on a dreary morning my roommate offered to bring breakfast up for me and the all around positivity that enveloped Girls State--really, I could have been dreaming.

To whom much is given. (VGS pt.3)

2008-06-04T20:53:00.009-05:00

To whom much is given, much is expected.
To whom much is given...much is expected.

These eight simple words were repeated all throughout Girls State, yet a week has gone by and I'm just beginning to grasp their meaning...

To whom much is given, much is expected?
But what hasn't been given? What little have I actually earned?
I don't know that I have an answer.

Hope. Life. Love. Dreams. Freedom.
gifts
Eyes? Ears? Hands? Feet? A voice?
gifts

And what of the expectation? What is "much"?
Does much have a minimum? A maximum?

As I drove to church tonight, these questions floated through my head.
They only seemed to intensify as each moment passed.

If I've been given joy, is more joy expected to overflow from my being alive?
If I've been forgiven, how much forgiveness am I expected to extend?

How does this principle influence my everyday routine? What is the call? The commission?

To whom much is given, much is expected.

So, what when it comes to material things?
What when it comes to invaluable things?
Or spiritual things...?

When I pulled into my driveway after church, I could not stop smiling. I felt like there was something I needed to do. I knew in my heart what was expected. Because I knew in my heart what had been given.

And so, I sat and watched the first fireflies I've seen this year have their way among the fresh night breeze. I closed my eyes to hear the uproarious applause of tree leaves. I peeked up at the sky to see a lone star-- and I swear, this star was dancing. And it was at that moment I was sure of what was expected of me.

Then I took off my shoes, felt the warmth of the ground beneath my feet, and danced.
I danced to no music, no particular rhythm - save for the symphony of all Creation...
I smiled, laughed, and thought for a split second how foolish I looked...

But I continued to dance, because
To whom much is given, much is expected.

photo: Flickr

I'm fixin' to tell y'all a secret... (VGS pt. 2)

2008-06-03T12:00:00.004-05:00

Okay, not really. But it's something that I generally keep to myself...

If surrounded for any lengthy amount of time by a group of sweet little southern belles, I will acquire a small (yet undeniable) country twang.

Last week at Girls State was no exception.

I'm sure most of the girls there paid no mind to my new accent and my slowed speech, however, a few Franklin gals I spoke with on the phone may tell a different story.

And thus begins the mockery.

You see, I have a beloved friend Ambie, bless her heart, who I believe is from Alabama, and receives her fair share of sassbucket comments from my ole' end of the swimmin' pool regarding the way she speaks. Because really y'all, she tends to pronounce things a little funny. For example, when she goes to watch a movie, she's headin' to the theeeee-ate-er. And when she talks about her younger brother, Ben, those three little letters turn into Beeeee-uhnn. And so on.

However now, I cannot be so sassy with beloved Ambie, bless her heart, because it just took a mere three days at MTSU before I was talkin' like the rest o' them girls and beltin' Rocky Top with the gals who were originally from Louisville (pronounced Loo-eh-vull). Trust me, the singin' was just precious.

So now I guess it's only fair for me to cut back a smidgen on the smart remarks when it comes to my friends who have a little bit of country deep in their core...

...then again, maybe not. ;)

(Because I will assure you, that as soon as I stepped foot back in Franklin, the accent disappeared faster than watermelon on the Fourth of July. )

Digital Citizenship (VGS pt. 1)

2008-06-03T09:13:00.005-05:00

I think the best place to start my Girls State re-cap is with the first thing all week that truly made me think--the idea of digital citizenship.

(Digital citizenship is exactly what it sounds like - the application of all things digital to your role as a citizen.)

While digital citizenship is not an entirely fresh concept, I believe that it is something that will become increasingly important in our generation's government and law systems.

And so, I have become a firm supporter of the spread/discussion of the following nine topics of digital citizenship* among all current and future users of digital technology.

1. Digital Etiquette - E-mail has become the primary and official means of communication in most schools today, however when students e-mail teachers/professors the need for correct grammar and formality has dissolved.

2. Digital Communication - When communicating digitally, there is almost no barrier separating what you say and how you say it--this can lead to big consequences.

3. Digital Law - The question of the day is: 'Who takes responsibility?'--particularly in cases of identity theft and cyber-bullying.

4. Digital Rights/responsibilities - What may be okay in one country may not fly in another--what freedoms come along with digital communication.

5. Digital Literacy - Learning new ways to use technology efficiently and the availability of digital education.

6. Digital Access - How does internet security come in when you can pay your bills, etc online?

7. Digital Commerce - Online shopping (eBay, etc) escapes sales taxes--is that right?

8. Digital Health/wellness - Involving online safety and cyber-bullying (particular discussion went to the recent MySpace suicide tragedy).

9. Digital Security - This mostly dealt with new technology like facial recognition in airports and how that changes the face of a citizen's rights.

*Nine topics from Kansas State University
photo: Flickr

Volunteer Girls State.

2008-06-01T15:45:00.004-05:00

My past week was spent on the MTSU campus along with FIVE HUNDRED TWENTY-ONE senior girls from all over Tennessee.

And honestly? It was an incredible week.

And incredible weeks tend to require blog re-caps around these parts.

So, get ready for some posts this week on the following topics/themes of VGS:

In no particular order,

- Loving ridiculously. (The best place to fail.)
- 44 girls + 4 showers = ZERO drama?
- Be who you want to be.
- Digital citizenship.
- To whom much is given, much is expected.
- Balcony people.
- The VGS Basics: Fast Song, Olympics and Vespers
- How I quickly acquired a southern twang. (And will never live it down.)
- A final address. (An essay I wrote and read to all VGS delegates Saturday.)

Pray for the Chapman Family.

2008-05-21T22:00:00.004-05:00

If you are reading this, please take a moment to pray for Steven Curtis Chapman, his wife, Mary Beth, and the rest of their family.

One of their daughters was killed this afternoon due to a car accident.

If you want to read deeper about the situation, click here, and even if you're not interested in the details--please, please pray.

Fun stuff.

2008-05-21T21:48:00.002-05:00

In 12 hours, I'm officially a senior. I can't believe it.

In 4 days, I'm off to Girl's State.

In 10 days, three of my best friends leave with a group of fantastic people for Africa. I'm watching them live out their dreams-- it's absolutely amazing.

In 27 days, my brother leaves to study in Istanbul until August.

In 43 days, I leave for my first overseas adventure.

But right now, in this moment, I'm writing my final paper of junior year, studying (or actively NOT studying) for the last true exam of my junior year and listening to some Patty to finish the night.

Happy Hump Day.

2008-05-14T14:54:00.004-05:00

Some random things today:

- My blog post remembering the Global Night Commute got a shout out from the Invisible Children Blog yesterday. Scha-weeet.
- AP Tests = DONE! Just one exam tomorrow and two next week. Hallelujah.
- If you live near Franklin, check this out - What's In Store is giving away free jewelry this month (thanks, Suz)
- Fusion is student-run tonight. I'm quite excited.

Have a happy rest of your week!

Impossible Things.

2008-05-13T08:38:00.004-05:00

"There is no use trying," said Alice; "one can't believe impossible things."
"I dare say you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was you age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."
-- Lewis Carroll

The Fog of War.

2008-05-08T22:48:00.004-05:00

I'm a History nerd. We've been watching this movie for a few days-- it has left me speechless multiple times.

The main eleven lessons:
1. Empathize with your enemy.
2. Rationality will not save us.
3. There's something beyond one's self.
4. Maximize efficiency.
5. Proportionality should be a guideline in war. (There's a really interesting series of scenes/statistics in this one that really got my attentionO
6. Get the data.
7. Belief and seeing are both often wrong.
8. Be prepared to reexamine your reasoning.
9. In order to do good, you may have to engage in evil.
10. Never say never.
11. You can't change human nature.

Some other tidbits:

"The human race will not eliminate war in this century but we can reduce war, the level of killing, by adhering to the principles of a just war, in particular of proportionality."

"The indefinite combinations of human fallibility and nuclear weapons will lead to the destruction of nations."

Robert McNamara's middle name is Strange. Robert Strange McNamara.

Had we not won WWII, many US officers would have been tried as war criminals. War Mongers.

January 1992- Meeting b/w McNamara and Castro:
- At the time of the Cuban Missile Crisis there were 162 nuclear warheads (90 tactical) on the island of Cuba

-McNamara: Mr. President, I have three questions for you. 1) Did you know the nuclear warheads were there? 2) If you did, would you have recommended to Khrushchev in the face of a US attack that he use them? 3) If he had used them, what would have happened to Cuba?
-Castro: 1) I knew they were there. 2) I would not have recommended to Khrushchev, I did recommend it to Khruschev that they be used. 3) It would have been totally destroyed.

---
So go, rent the movie and be stunned/amazed/perplexed/etc. It's quite the experience ;)

Junioritis?

2008-05-07T21:02:00.003-05:00

Confession: My name is Nina and I am a junior with Senioritis.

Today I spent an entire class period planning out the next 16 days of my life (the final days of junior year)...

The main goal of this list/ "FYI Calendar"? To write down, in one place, the dates/times from now until May 23rd that I have to be at school.

And good news for me? I only have to show up FIVE MORE TIMES (I can count that on ONE HAND!!). God is good.

Other countdowns on my sheet:

Balkans: 57 days.
Graduation: 380 days.

Summer come soon.

A Lover's Lullaby

2008-05-02T16:07:00.003-05:00

Oh and dream, Lover dream
The dreams that are lost in you
Don’t be afraid to let yourself go
Oh and see, Lover see
The wonder that lives in you
Open your eyes, it is there to behold
And know that your whispers for love have been heard
By a heart that is gentle and kind
You are the one He is seeking to find

Oh and live, Lover live
In the freedom His love gives you
Don’t bare the marks of the slave-driver’s hands
Oh and give, Lover give
The gifts He has given you
Recklessly throw all your cares to the wind
And know that your whispers for love have been heard
By a heart that is gentle and kind
You are the one He is seeking to find

Oh and hear, Lover hear
The lyric He’s written you
As freely you dance to the rhythms of grace
Oh and rest, Lover rest
The price has been paid for you
Rejoice! Let the dancing begin

Matthew Perryman Jones - Nowhere Else But Here
Photo: TripCart

Photo-fun.

2008-05-01T18:20:00.003-05:00

Found this site over at queen anne's lace. It takes a new looking photo and makes it look like old film. You just browse to find the picture you want and hit the center blue button. Here's my favorite (a shot I took of my friend Kerey at Utopia)--

Two Years Ago.

2008-04-29T20:44:00.004-05:00

April 29, 2006 - Invisible Children - Global Night Commute

Check it out here. Check them out here. Watch the Rough Cut right here:

I pray that I'll never think of that road the same way again.

A quick Yay! list.

2008-04-25T15:44:00.003-05:00

Yay! for...

- Pretty weather, consistently
- Having class outside (or not having class at all) due to said weather
- Being able to laugh at yourself, with others
- Frisbee and Red Rover
- Extended deadlines
- Driving at night, windows down, heat on the floor and Jimmy Eat World blasting
- Being completely open with struggles
- Celebrating all of life's triumphs with a happy dance ;)
- Blowing bubbles
- Taking pictures
- Seeing old friends
- Remembering
- Surrounding yourself with people willing to be ridiculous just to make you laugh
- Being super nerdy, and being okay with that
- Illustrating essay questions on quizzes with cartoons, just because
- The smell of summer
- The close end of another school year
- Watching other people richly live
- Making new friends
- Surprise birthday parties
- Late night walks and dreaming talks
- Unintentional rhyme
- Pencil racing when bored (I'll elaborate on this on a later date)
- Smiles
- Suspense-filled books
- Skipping, just because
- Pretty (purple) flowers
- Dreams being lived
- Big sunglasses
- Bare feet on grass
- Football (!)

70 Days.

2008-04-24T23:20:00.004-05:00

'Til I see these mountains.

:o)

Picture: Abbey

Prom 2008 (Yay! A Picture Post.)

2008-04-23T19:01:00.007-05:00

"Welcome to Prom 2008. Have fun, be safe and remember who you represent." ;)

(We're just a bunch of crazy kids in tuxes and dresses, ready to take the city by storm.)

Feast for the eyes.

2008-04-19T10:21:00.002-05:00

In a few hours, I'm going here to look around for some flowers and just check out the place.

I am oh-so-excited. And definitely bringing the camera along...because, if the virtual tour on their website is anything like the real thing (which, it should be)-I am going to be one happy girl with a festival of color, texture, smell and taste!

(Oh, and prom is tonight - so expect a lot of picture posts in the following week.)

On Things I Never Want to See Again.

2008-04-18T18:05:00.006-05:00

"The birds and the bees" has always been a mostly figurative phrase in my life.

That is, until the other day while I was sitting on the porch, minding my own business and reading a book.

Because, friends, for a few short moments, the "birds" and the "bees" became literal "birds" and literal "bees" literally acting as "the birds and the bees" do in the Spring right before my very eyes. At the same time. In the same viewing field.

And that is something I would NEVER wish upon anyone. Ever.

Happy Friday.

The Bride. (Isn't She Beautiful?)

2008-04-13T20:43:00.004-05:00

The local Church has repeatedly left me stunned in the past few weeks - and it's absolutely amazing.

The honesty, the family, the true conversations, the crossing of age gaps, the scrapping of agendas, the serving...Bold, specific prayers answered. Quickly-uttered, flippant prayers answered...Remember who you are, remember who God is, leave no man behind...Joshua 1:3-18...Be strong and courageous...The smallest faith honored...Hearts awakened...Divine inspiration...Apathy losing its foothold...A cry for a city to return to its First Love...A call for willingness, not perfection

My heart is expectant. My soul yearning.

"I couldn't have dreamed it any better than this."

No words.

2008-04-11T15:19:00.001-05:00

ht: Anne

This I Believe: part one

2008-04-10T21:25:00.003-05:00

An Ideal of Service to Our Fellow Man

The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious—the knowledge of the existence of something unfathomable to us, the manifestation of the most profound reason coupled with the most brilliant beauty. I cannot imagine a god who rewards and punishes the objects of his creation, or who has a will of the kind we experience in ourselves. I am satisfied with the mystery of life’s eternity and with the awareness of—and glimpse into—the marvelous construction of the existing world together with the steadfast determination to comprehend a portion, be it ever so tiny, of the reason that manifests itself in nature. This is the basis of cosmic religiosity, and it appears to me that the most important function of art and science is to awaken this feeling among the receptive and keep it alive.

I sense that it is not the State that has intrinsic value in the machinery of humankind, but rather the creative, feeling individual, the personality alone that creates the noble and sublime.

Man’s ethical behavior should be effectively grounded on compassion, nurture, and social bonds. What is moral is not of the divine, but rather a purely human matter, albeit the most important of all human matters. In the course of history, the ideals pertaining to human beings’ behavior toward each other and pertaining to the preferred organization of their communities have been espoused and taught by enlightened individuals. These ideals and convictions—results of historical experience, empathy, and the need for beauty and harmony—have usually been willingly recognized by human beings, at least in theory.

The highest principles for our aspirations and judgments are given to us westerners in the Jewish-Christian religious tradition. It is a very high goal: free and responsible development of the individual, so that he may place his powers freely and gladly in the service of all mankind.

The pursuit of recognition for its own sake, an almost fanatical love of justice, and the quest for personal independence form the traditional themes of the Jewish people, of which I am a member.

But if one holds these high principles clearly before one’s eyes and compares them with the life and spirit of our times, then it is glaringly apparent that mankind finds itself at present in grave danger. I see the nature of the current crises in the juxtaposition of the individual to society. The individual feels more than ever dependent on society, but he feels this dependence not in the positive sense, cradled, connected as part of an organic whole; he sees it as a threat to his natural rights and even his economic existence. His position in society, then, is such that that which drives his ego is encouraged and developed, and that which would drive him toward other men—a weak impulse to begin with—is left to atrophy.

It is my belief that there is only one way to eliminate these evils, namely, the establishment of a planned economy coupled with an education geared toward social goals. Alongside the development of individual abilities, the education of the individual aspires to revive an ideal that is geared toward the service of our fellow man, and that needs to take the place of the glorification of power and outer success.

-- Albert Einstein

ht: This I Believe, Photo - Flickr

Because I never want to forget.

2008-03-26T16:51:00.002-05:00

- April 29, 2006

- 80,000+ people walking, writing, sleeping on behalf of people they've only seen on projected screens and read about on the internet.

- Thousands of students spreading the word in their schools, churches, families and cities.

Absolutely unbelievable.

Franklin shout-outs: 1:06, 1:12, 2:22, 2:28, 3:17, 4:46

Currently listening...

2008-03-24T21:06:00.002-05:00

Meet Billy Ritchie.

He's super-talented. And also happens to attend the same school I do.

Go check him out and give the songs a listen.
My fave: Hold the Road

Welcome surprise.

2008-03-22T15:15:00.002-05:00

My Dad just called to inform me that he has tickets for the two of us to go to the Nashville Symphony tonight!

I checked the website to find out that tonight's performance is showcasing Natalie MacMaster, a Grammy-nominated fiddler...which leads to my next gleeful tidbit - tonight's concert is titled 'A Celtic Celebration'. Scha-weeeeeeeeeet.

I'm pumped.

Splish, Splash

2008-03-22T11:14:00.004-05:00

Today is World Water Day.

Pretty cool stuff.

Check them out.

Talk about the water crises all over the world.

And sip slowly.

Copycat.

2008-03-20T12:58:00.004-05:00

A few weeks ago, I came across this post on Pied Piper...piping? and decided to try my hand at literally "painting a picture".

For my attempts, I chose two pictures I snapped while at The Olive Bar Studio.

Here are the pictures:

Here are the paintings:

As you can see, I didn't exactly paint everything in the pictures...at first, I tried painting the hand in the piano picture (and some of the other details) - but it just didn't come out as I hoped.

In other news, weather today in Franklin is lovely. I'm out to play in the sunshine and snap a few photos!

Kentuckapalooza - SB08

2008-03-18T18:25:00.007-05:00

Spring Break 2008.

Four teenage girls.

One car, one day.

Ninety miles to the ~~most outrageous tourist attractions in KENTUCKY~~ Kentucky's Best Hidden Treasures.

Bucket loads of pure, safe, easy-on-the-wallet fun.

Who ever said that you can't have fun staying near home on vacation? I mean, I know Kentucky's not exactly Destin. Or Mexico. Or Costa Rica. Or D.C. - Vacation is what you make of it. And my goodness, we created a masterpiece yesterday.

We started out at Kentucky Down Under. Oh, buddy. We're talking dingos, kangaroos, cockatoos, sheep, wallabies, a peacock and an emu. And you can just walk up and PET THEM. Well, most of them...the smaller birds were in cages. AND, they have a cave tour, too.

Memorable moments from KDU:
- receiving far more "cave kisses" than one could ever want
- making references to The Goonies while in the caves
- 'Elvis' the much-too-friendly/slightly possessed or epileptic cockatoo
- watching each other go nuts as birds landed on everything from head to rump while being fed nectar
- petting the kangaroos
- petting Priscilla, the male emu
- crying from laughter on many occasions

Fun facts from KDU:
- a kangaroo, at top speed, can jump the height and length of a school bus
- if physical conditions are not what they should be, a kangaroo momma can put her pregnancy on hold, at the 100 cell count, for up to two years

On a tip from one of the KDU workers, the gals and I headed over to this fabulous Italian home-owned restaurant called Snappy's. It turns out Mike Rowe actually ate there while filming the Horse Cave episode of Dirty Jobs. He had a signed picture/t-shirt on the wall and everything. The food was delicious and abundant - and cheap. Something like 7-8 bucks a person.

Our final planned destination was Dinosaur World. If you've ever driven 65N between Nashville and Louisville, you should know what I'm talking about. Basically, this a stretch of forested land with 150 life-size dinosaur statues. You're supposed to stay on the concrete roped in pathways and just admire. Being rebellious teenagers, we took the liberty of stepping over the rope for fun pictures. Made for excellent memories.

Memorable moments from DW:
- Kennie knocking over a dinosaur, and then fixing it
- Watching the BBC documentary/animated film on "Big Al" the Alosaurus
- Taking all of the pictures we wanted
- Hiking up the path to the infamous 40ft dinosaur right by 65 and having people honk at us

Fun facts from DW:
- Eh, it wasn't too educational...

So that, ladies and gents, is my Spring Break thus far - with a little painting, sleeping, pet-sitting and movie watching mixed in.

Coming this summer: Kentuckapalooza Returns: Spalunking, Holiday World, Elizabethtown, and the National Corvette Museum :o)

Happy St. Patty's Day

2008-03-17T18:21:00.002-05:00

Unleash your inner leprechaun, dye your hair green, put on a fake accent...

Or take a moment to thank the Lord for all things Irish.

You know: U2, yummy cheese chips at your the best pub in Franklin, these video--

Be merry! Be fun! Be safe!

I'm freeeeeeee!

2008-03-14T15:16:00.002-05:00

Spring Break 2008 has begun.

Stay tuned for details about the upcoming Kentuckapalooza (part uno).

And for a re-cap of the first (and only) fashion show I have (and will be) a part of.

Umm..oww!

2008-03-07T15:34:00.003-06:00

My brain hurts. Next week's History of Ideas class discussions surround the issue of moral relativism versus moral absolutism. The past two days have been the introduction, and I am thoroughly convinced I strained some brain muscle/tissue trying to wrap my mind around all of this.

Even so, I'm sort of enjoying the cognitive workout. In preparation for class Monday, I get to listen/read/ponder one of Peter Kreeft's lectures refuting moral relativism. Oi. That's-a-lot-a thinking.

(Oh, and the Weather People are calling for up to four inches of snow in the next two days. Yuck. I am MORE than ready for spring!)

Two Days.

2008-03-03T19:54:00.002-06:00

Wednesday. March 5, 2008. TPC. 6:30pm.

This will be the second FTIO we've had. And judging by the first night, I'm pretty excited.

Defining love.

2008-02-28T20:28:00.004-06:00

I had a spaghetti day today. No, not a spaghetti eating day - just a spaghetti like day. Think: events flowing together, getting twisted, tangled and just kind of all-over-the-place. Like a big plate of spaghetti noodles...

By the late afternoon I just needed some time out. So, I stopped by Panera, grabbed a journal and a lovely little book that makes its home in the backseat pocket of my Box.

Upon settling in a booth, I decided to open to a random page of the book and read until I felt content. Surprisingly, this didn't even take a full cinco minutos. Because a few pages in, I stumbled upon this:

A French priest, conducting a retreat, said,

To love anyone is to hope is him always. From the moment at which we begin to judge anyone, to limit our confidence in him, from the moment at which we identify him, and so reduce him to that, we cease to love him, and he ceases to be able to become better. We must dare to love in a world that does not know how to love.

And slowly, the hideous-monster-of-a-Biology-test and family drama seemed to fade away...

Some (not so new) art.

2008-02-26T23:45:00.004-06:00

I made this piece for an English project I mentioned on here last month. In honor of the new year, we were given the task: creatively express a list of fifty (small-ish) ways to improve your two-thousand-eight.

Here's what I came up with:

Dream.

2008-02-26T20:29:00.003-06:00

Dreaming seems to be a recurring theme in my life, and this week, I've found myself in a season where just about everywhere I turn (literally, from blogs to the single performance I watched on American Idol tonight), the message remains: dream.

Boldly, recklessly, as if money is irrelevant and time abundant - just dream.

With abandon, hope, vision and faith. With love as a key to the Kingdom's presence. Simply, purely, dream.

So here's to dreaming --

For friends preparing for Africa,
For a summer trip to the Balkans,
For life and love,
For joy and creativity,
For art and peace,
For a better tomorrow,
For revolution,
For hope,
For children's futures altered forever,
For freedom,
For days laced with laughter,
For reunion,
For safe homes,
For mending hearts,
For every dreamer who ever dreamed
May your soul dance along with each beloved dream
From now until eternity

Well hey there, SIMBA.

2008-02-25T20:21:00.003-06:00

Round a bunch of bloggers up in open-roof jeeps and what do you get? See for yourself.

(The video takes a bit to load, but the clarity is worth it.)

Progress.

2008-02-24T09:00:00.002-06:00

Full story here.

The colors of the brainbow.

2008-02-17T23:29:00.006-06:00

In an AP Bio lab earlier this year, we made bacteria glow under a black-light. In the lab, we transformed the bacteria by inserting a kind of "glow gene" into it that was originally extracted from jellyfish.

Not being a science-kind-of-girl, I happened to find this lab quite intriguing (I mean really, who DOESN'T like to make things GLOW?). However, my interest in this gene and its use reached an entirely new level in the past week as our class discussed some fascinating research performed a few months ago...

The scientists inserted multiple variations from this group of glow genes into the brains of many mice, each gene producing a different color when activated. Using a 0.1 inch camera placed into the hippocampus of each mouse, they captured the "glow" of different parts of the brain where activity occurred. The goal of the experiment was to better look into how memory is formed. The results were colorful. And surprisingly had a kind of beauty about them.

With information gathered from the experiment, scientists hope to apply new knowledge to research for Alzheimer's and Parkinson's disease - though any significant progress in those areas may take decades.

--So, I guess some of the stuff they're teaching us here actually does apply to the real-world ;)

The trip continues.

2008-02-13T14:04:00.004-06:00

Follow the blog journey through video here. Sponsor here.

UGANDA 2.10-18.08

2008-02-09T21:30:00.000-06:00

Oh, and also -

Windows down, sunroof back.

2008-02-09T15:10:00.000-06:00

Phil saw his shadow.

2008-02-02T09:45:00.000-06:00

Happy Groundhog Day!

...

2008-01-30T16:47:00.000-06:00

When in doubt, dance.

Today has been stressful and exciting, frustrating and laughter-filled. School seemed longer than usual. One of my best friends called with "yay worthy" news. My car decided that it didn't want to play any music on the drive home. Blah, blah, blah.

I came home this afternoon utterly spent and no fun to be around... And there was one thing of which I was certain: if I didn't DO something soon to change the way things had been going, my exhaustion (and crankiness) levels could only worsen.

So, I danced. I closed all doors, shut all blinds, turned on a little bit of music and lost myself in movement. I went around the kitchen, into the hallway, through the dining room and back again. I let my hair down and allowed a smile to break across my face. There was a little ballet, a hint of jazz, and a lot of twirling-little-girl. For those few minutes, I was unattached. Free. More than content.

And then I began to wonder, "What would my life look like if I started and ended every day dancing?" - odd, I know. But this is something I think I'm going to try. For at least a week. Maybe more. Because, dancing is something that forces emotion and expression -and often joy- into my life. And I know I can always use a little more of that.

(photo - ht: Rachel Schell)

Letter from Birmingham Jail (four of four)

2008-01-27T16:02:00.000-06:00

THE REPLY - part three, emphasis mine

I had hoped that the white moderate would see this need. Perhaps I was too optimistic; perhaps I expected too much. I suppose I should have realized that few members of the oppressor race can understand the deep groans and passionate yearnings of the oppressed race, and still fewer have the vision to see that injustice must be rooted out by strong, persistent and determined action. I am thankful, however, that some of our white brothers in the South have grasped the meaning of this social revolution and committed themselves to it. They are still all too few in quantity, but they are big in quality. Some -such as Ralph McGill, Lillian Smith, Harry Golden, James McBride Dabbs, Ann Braden and Sarah Patton Boyle--have written about our struggle in eloquent and prophetic terms. Others have marched with us down nameless streets of the South. They have languished in filthy, roach infested jails, suffering the abuse and brutality of policemen who view them as "dirty nigger-lovers." Unlike so many of their moderate brothers and sisters, they have recognized the urgency of the moment and sensed the need for powerful "action" antidotes to combat the disease of segregation.

Let me take note of my other major disappointment. I have been so greatly disappointed with the white church and its leadership. Of course, there are some notable exceptions. I am not unmindful of the fact that each of you has taken some significant stands on this issue. I commend you, Reverend Stallings, for your Christian stand on this past Sunday, in welcoming Negroes to your worship service on a nonsegregated basis. I commend the Catholic leaders of this state for integrating Spring Hill College several years ago.

But despite these notable exceptions, I must honestly reiterate that I have been disappointed with the church. I do not say this as one of those negative critics who can always find something wrong with the church. I say this as a minister of the gospel, who loves the church; who was nurtured in its bosom; who has been sustained by its spiritual blessings and who will remain true to it as long as the cord of life shall lengthen.

When I was suddenly catapulted into the leadership of the bus protest in Montgomery, Alabama, a few years ago, I felt we would be supported by the white church. I felt that the white ministers, priests and rabbis of the South would be among our strongest allies. Instead, some have been outright opponents, refusing to understand the freedom movement and misrepresenting its leaders; all too many others have been more cautious than courageous and have remained silent behind the anesthetizing security of stained glass windows.

In spite of my shattered dreams, I came to Birmingham with the hope that the white religious leadership of this community would see the justice of our cause and, with deep moral concern, would serve as the channel through which our just grievances could reach the power structure. I had hoped that each of you would understand. But again I have been disappointed.

I have heard numerous southern religious leaders admonish their worshipers to comply with a desegregation decision because it is the law, but I have longed to hear white ministers declare: "Follow this decree because integration is morally right and because the Negro is your brother." In the midst of blatant injustices inflicted upon the Negro, I have watched white churchmen stand on the sideline and mouth pious irrelevancies and sanctimonious trivialities. In the midst of a mighty struggle to rid our nation of racial and economic injustice, I have heard many ministers say: "Those are social issues, with which the gospel has no real concern." And I have watched many churches commit themselves to a completely other worldly religion which makes a strange, un-Biblical distinction between body and soul, between the sacred and the secular.

I have traveled the length and breadth of Alabama, Mississippi and all the other southern states. On sweltering summer days and crisp autumn mornings I have looked at the South's beautiful churches with their lofty spires pointing heavenward. I have beheld the impressive outlines of her massive religious education buildings. Over and over I have found myself asking: "What kind of people worship here? Who is their God? Where were their voices when the lips of Governor Barnett dripped with words of interposition and nullification? Where were they when Governor Wallace gave a clarion call for defiance and hatred? Where were their voices of support when bruised and weary Negro men and women decided to rise from the dark dungeons of complacency to the bright hills of creative protest?"

Yes, these questions are still in my mind. In deep disappointment I have wept over the laxity of the church. But be assured that my tears have been tears of love. There can be no deep disappointment where there is not deep love. Yes, I love the church. How could I do otherwise? I am in the rather unique position of being the son, the grandson and the great grandson of preachers. Yes, I see the church as the body of Christ. But, oh! How we have blemished and scarred that body through social neglect and through fear of being nonconformists.

There was a time when the church was very powerful--in the time when the early Christians rejoiced at being deemed worthy to suffer for what they believed. In those days the church was not merely a thermometer that recorded the ideas and principles of popular opinion; it was a thermostat that transformed the mores of society. Whenever the early Christians entered a town, the people in power became disturbed and immediately sought to convict the Christians for being "disturbers of the peace" and "outside agitators."' But the Christians pressed on, in the conviction that they were "a colony of heaven," called to obey God rather than man. Small in number, they were big in commitment. They were too God-intoxicated to be "astronomically intimidated." By their effort and example they brought an end to such ancient evils as infanticide and gladiatorial contests. Things are different now. So often the contemporary church is a weak, ineffectual voice with an uncertain sound. So often it is an archdefender of the status quo. Far from being disturbed by the presence of the church, the power structure of the average community is consoled by the church's silent--and often even vocal--sanction of things as they are.

But the judgment of God is upon the church as never before. If today's church does not recapture the sacrificial spirit of the early church, it will lose its authenticity, forfeit the loyalty of millions, and be dismissed as an irrelevant social club with no meaning for the twentieth century. Every day I meet young people whose disappointment with the church has turned into outright disgust.

Perhaps I have once again been too optimistic. Is organized religion too inextricably bound to the status quo to save our nation and the world? Perhaps I must turn my faith to the inner spiritual church, the church within the church, as the true ekklesia and the hope of the world. But again I am thankful to God that some noble souls from the ranks of organized religion have broken loose from the paralyzing chains of conformity and joined us as active partners in the struggle for freedom. They have left their secure congregations and walked the streets of Albany, Georgia, with us. They have gone down the highways of the South on tortuous rides for freedom. Yes, they have gone to jail with us. Some have been dismissed from their churches, have lost the support of their bishops and fellow ministers. But they have acted in the faith that right defeated is stronger than evil triumphant. Their witness has been the spiritual salt that has preserved the true meaning of the gospel in these troubled times. They have carved a tunnel of hope through the dark mountain of disappointment.

I hope the church as a whole will meet the challenge of this decisive hour. But even if the church does not come to the aid of justice, I have no despair about the future. I have no fear about the outcome of our struggle in Birmingham, even if our motives are at present misunderstood. We will reach the goal of freedom in Birmingham and all over the nation, because the goal of America is freedom. Abused and scorned though we may be, our destiny is tied up with America's destiny. Before the pilgrims landed at Plymouth, we were here. Before the pen of Jefferson etched the majestic words of the Declaration of Independence across the pages of history, we were here. For more than two centuries our forebears labored in this country without wages; they made cotton king; they built the homes of their masters while suffering gross injustice and shameful humiliation -and yet out of a bottomless vitality they continued to thrive and develop. If the inexpressible cruelties of slavery could not stop us, the opposition we now face will surely fail. We will win our freedom because the sacred heritage of our nation and the eternal will of God are embodied in our echoing demands.

Before closing I feel impelled to mention one other point in your statement that has troubled me profoundly. You warmly commended the Birmingham police force for keeping "order" and "preventing violence." I doubt that you would have so warmly commended the police force if you had seen its dogs sinking their teeth into unarmed, nonviolent Negroes. I doubt that you would so quickly commend the policemen if you were to observe their ugly and inhumane treatment of Negroes here in the city jail; if you were to watch them push and curse old Negro women and young Negro girls; if you were to see them slap and kick old Negro men and young boys; if you were to observe them, as they did on two occasions, refuse to give us food because we wanted to sing our grace together. I cannot join you in your praise of the Birmingham police department.

It is true that the police have exercised a degree of discipline in handling the demonstrators. In this sense they have conducted themselves rather "nonviolently" in public. But for what purpose? To preserve the evil system of segregation. Over the past few years I have consistently preached that nonviolence demands that the means we use must be as pure as the ends we seek. I have tried to make clear that it is wrong to use immoral means to attain moral ends. But now I must affirm that it is just as wrong, or perhaps even more so, to use moral means to preserve immoral ends. Perhaps Mr. Connor and his policemen have been rather nonviolent in public, as was Chief Pritchett in Albany, Georgia, but they have used the moral means of nonviolence to maintain the immoral end of racial injustice. As T. S. Eliot has said: "The last temptation is the greatest treason: To do the right deed for the wrong reason."

I wish you had commended the Negro sit inners and demonstrators of Birmingham for their sublime courage, their willingness to suffer and their amazing discipline in the midst of great provocation. One day the South will recognize its real heroes. They will be the James Merediths, with the noble sense of purpose that enables them to face jeering and hostile mobs, and with the agonizing loneliness that characterizes the life of the pioneer. They will be old, oppressed, battered Negro women, symbolized in a seventy two year old woman in Montgomery, Alabama, who rose up with a sense of dignity and with her people decided not to ride segregated buses, and who responded with ungrammatical profundity to one who inquired about her weariness: "My feets is tired, but my soul is at rest." They will be the young high school and college students, the young ministers of the gospel and a host of their elders, courageously and nonviolently sitting in at lunch counters and willingly going to jail for conscience' sake. One day the South will know that when these disinherited children of God sat down at lunch counters, they were in reality standing up for what is best in the American dream and for the most sacred values in our Judaeo Christian heritage, thereby bringing our nation back to those great wells of democracy which were dug deep by the founding fathers in their formulation of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence.

Never before have I written so long a letter. I'm afraid it is much too long to take your precious time. I can assure you that it would have been much shorter if I had been writing from a comfortable desk, but what else can one do when he is alone in a narrow jail cell, other than write long letters, think long thoughts and pray long prayers?

If I have said anything in this letter that overstates the truth and indicates an unreasonable impatience, I beg you to forgive me. If I have said anything that understates the truth and indicates my having a patience that allows me to settle for anything less than brotherhood, I beg God to forgive me.

I hope this letter finds you strong in the faith. I also hope that circumstances will soon make it possible for me to meet each of you, not as an integrationist or a civil-rights leader but as a fellow clergyman and a Christian brother. Let us all hope that the dark clouds of racial prejudice will soon pass away and the deep fog of misunderstanding will be lifted from our fear drenched communities, and in some not too distant tomorrow the radiant stars of love and brotherhood will shine over our great nation with all their scintillating beauty.

Yours for the cause of Peace and Brotherhood,
Martin Luther King, Jr.